Got to sneak a blog into April before it's over!  **Breaking News**  Parenting is hard.  No duh, right?  But it really is.  I remember when Lydia and Caleb were born (less than a month apart) and I was struggling with the enormous change in my life and Marcia saying to just wait, this was nothing compared to the emotional toll on you when you are teaching them right and wrong and all the other lessons in developing character.  It struck fear in me because I believed her then, and I REALLY believe her now.  We are very blessed parents.  Lydia is one of those compliant kids that will change her behavior with one look from me or Aaron.  The twins are a different story.  Emily is currently in a very happy stage and will obey fairly quickly, but still has her tantrums.  Elijah is a different story right now.  He is the unending fountain of whine!!!  He has developed a ghastly habit of high-pitched whining and crying when he doesn't get what he wants.  At first it surprised me because really, how does the logic work that if I don't get what I want, I will make myself even less appealing by crying, whining and throwing a fit?  Like I'm going to say, "Oh Elijah, thank you for making my ears ring, now I would just love to give you another piece of candy and let you play on the computer and run into the street!  I see your request in such a different light!  Thank you son!"  So I'm struggling with having a right response to him being 3 and human, yet knowing if I do nothing, he will still be doing this but louder at 13.  I totally feel the challenge rise up in me when this happens that in no way is he actually going to GET what he is whining about, but how do I get him to stop?  I really am hoping consistency will win the battle and eventually he'll get tired of it when it doesn't work. 

 

This has made me examine my motives in dealing with my kids' behavior.  It is so true that most often the things that get a response from me are the things that irritate or inconvenience me, rather than real opportunities to mold their character.  That is embarrassing to admit.  But I saw how ugly this can be a few weeks ago.  I was at the gym on the treadmill and there was a lady next to me and a man next to her that she knew.  They were chit-chatting about their families, work, etc.  Her daughter, maybe 4 years old, kept coming up to the treadmill to talk to her mom, asking for a drink, candy, etc.  The tone that this mom used with her daughter was so harsh and cruel it made me want to cry.  Here's this beautiful little girl, totally bored at the gym just trying to talk to her mom, and the mother's response was that of total disgust that she was bothering her.  The change in tone when she started talking to the man again was so marked that it would have been comical if it wasn't so disturbing.  She went from anger that the girl dared to ask for a drink, to kind and interested in what an acquaintance was saying to her.  It made me a little ill, but also caused me to examine my reactions with my kids.  I know they are little heathens bent on usurping my authority, but do they really need a harsh rebuke for not walking straight into their rooms and putting their shoes away when a toy catches their eye on the way there?  Does it really warrant me overreacting and shouting at them to obey what I told them to do?  I want to have more patience with my kids.  I want to keep the right perspective on all this.  I want to treat them as I like to be treated when I need correction.  And of course, the sadness around us has made me rethink a lot of this too.  If I was the mother of that little boy with brain cancer, would it really be worth it to demand perfect obedience every time I speak a request to him?  And if I was the mother of that little girl with leukemia, wouldn't I be praying for a lifetime of requests for another drink of water?  I have no intentions of letting my kids grow up without training, discipline and obedience, but I want to practice loving correction and not an indulgence for my frustrations.  Anyway, this is my world right now, and hopefully explains my furrowed brow and worn out looks on my face.