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March 15 Go to sleep JanelleI don't know what I am doing here. I should be sleeping, but I am too tired to get up from this computer and wash my face, brush my teeth and go to bed. So I just spent 30 minutes on classmates.com looking to see if I could find anyone from Jr. High that I recognized. Loser, I know. So much has happened, so much has changed. I am such a different person from back then. I remember struggling so much to decide to serve the Lord when I was a teenager, and even into my early twenties. I remember wanting the Lord to be real to me. I wanted fireworks or something. And just at that time a friend played me a song that said something to the effect that "I've been listening to the thunderstorms, while You quietly whisper my name ..." I remember just crying and crying because I felt the Lord had told me He was aware of me, and loved me and wanted me, but it didn't look quite like I thought it would. I remember telling Him, "I will not be a Christian if it means I have to be just like so-and-so!" He assured me that He didn't want me to be so-and-so, He wanted me to be me, but the "me" that is transformed into the image of Christ. I still struggle with that, and I think it is the basis of a lot of controversy in the Christian arena. What does the "fullness of the stature of Jesus Christ" look like? What does that mean? How do I, as a child of God, live and move and have my being in Him? When I was younger I thought it meant things like receiving the perfect attendance award (like THATS going to happen with my 3 kids). I still don't know fully, but I do get glimpses of growth when I realize all the Lord has healed in my heart. I feel it when I hear Debbie's song:
You are amazing
You are gentle and kind
You are so faithful
To speak peace to my mind
I stand in awe of You
All the love that You give
For though I am nothing
And You are the King of Kings
You call me friend
I think it is key to realize how "nothing" I am. And I am not saying that in a "see how humble I am" kind of way. When I am constantly referring to my accomplishments, and things that I add to the Body of Christ, I am missing the point by a mile. When I realize that I am nothing, BUT I am a friend of God through Jesus Christ, WOW! That is amazing. "Wouldn't take nothing for my journey now ..." Now matter what night seasons I have gone through, where He has brought me has been worth it. Here I go with the economic metaphors again.  Okay, I'm going to bed.March 08 MetaphorsI finished "Blue Like Jazz" last night. He had a really good point in the last chapter on love. He told about being enlightened as to the metaphors that we use for love. They are mostly economic ones. Like "value" placed on people, "investing" in relationships, people being "priceless" and so on. Not that these ideas are all bad, but they cause you to view relationships and people as things to be bought. This idea has been rolling around in my mind too over the last few months. He said love is NOT a commodity! I love that thought. We act like it is for sale, our love and devotion. We are so transactional in our approach to God even. Okay, what can you give me for my obedience, devotion, etc. Sickening. What has struck me over the last few months of reading the Bible is how the relationship God wants with us is based on covenant, not a contract for goods and services. I think it is a cop-out to talk about how unconditional God's love is. Of course, God is Love, and that is all He can be. But just look at all the "ifs" in the Bible. One of my favorites is 2 Chronicles 7:14, "
14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. God wants a covenant relationship with me. Covenant is built on promises of God, and action on my part. So although God cannot fail to love humanity because that is just what He is, the intimate relationship that He wants to have with me, and that I so desperately crave, is based on me honoring commitments I've made to him.
In the book, the author says a better metaphor for love would be "magnetism". This guy is pretty funny and out there, but I was thinking about how with magnets, opposites attract. God, me -- opposites. Then there is the idea of the same sides of a magnet repelling each other. I had a friend tell me recently that when someone annoys her, she tries to look inside and see if that person's problem isn't actually something within her that she doesn't really like about herself. We are repelled by someone else's faults usually because in a weird way we are struggling with the same thing. Then I was thinking about how the fullness of God attracts the emptiness within me. I like these images. Well, I'm not going to critique this blog, or I'll never hit "Publish". Hope someone can get something out of it. God bless. |
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